Sorry for the ’s they came directly from a word processor.

Keen: The Universes Troubles
By: Jesse Phillips
© 2004 April, 4

The Assignment

There exists a far, far off planet one-billion light-years from the earth in one direction and one-billion light-years in a different direction, and there lived on this world, Terra, one human that had the power to save the soup; I mean the universe.

This one man with the name of George . . .

“The name’s Gorge, not George!”

Oh, sorry. So, this one man, with the name of Gorge, will be given his task by two men with orange trench coats.


“Dad, do I have to go to school?” rang a kid’s voice from a distant room.

“Now, you know very well that you need to go to school so you can learn all about our universe,” the kid’s father replied. There came a faint rap tap tapping at this person ’s door. “Hello?”

“Hi. Is George there– I mean Gorge?” said a man in an orange trench coat.

“I am Gorge.”

“Well, sir, we have a quest for you. Please sir, come with us.”

“Who are you?”

“Oh yes, I did forget to introduce myself. The name’s Jim, and my friend here is Tim.”

The three of them traveled through a dark blue hole and landed in a van. This van was not like any other for it did not have wheels to ride on. The van was also a dark blue and soon the whole inside faded into the same color. Just then, before the van had even started to move, it had vanished and revealed a flickering dark blue flame in the distance.

“Just go to the flame,” Tim commented. When they had reached the flame Tim grabbed it, and put it out. Then the room shook and the wall dropped. Sounds of beeping computers filled the room. This room was lit, but not by dark blue light, rather it was a nice red, on the left, and green, on the right.

“Red” said Tim on Gorge’s left.

“Green” Jim said right after, to Gorge’s right.

“Keen” They both said at the same time. Tim had walked into the Red section and Jim walked into the green. A third light appeared, this one yellow and directly between the other colors. Then a fourth man presented himself . . .

“Hello? I am not a man. I’m a kid.”

Ok, ok. Then a kid presented himself, with Jim and Tim right beside him, Tim on his right in the red zone, Jim on his left in the green zone.

“The name’s Billy, Billy Blaze,” said the kid wearing a yellow football helmet with one white stripe down the center and a strip of green on either side. He wore blue pants and a maroon shirt. The kid had a gun in his right front pocket and a pogo-stick slung around his shoulder, and in his left back pocket he carried a red book.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you Bil . . . ” Gorge almost completed saying.

“Shhh!” Tim and Jim quickly corrected.

“Please, don’t call me by my name when I am wearing the helmet. I would like you to please call me, when under the helmet, Commander Keen.” Bil . . . Keen explained.

“Then why did you tell me your name, Commander Keen?” George, I mean Gorge had questioned.

“Well to make a long story get right to the point; I took an oath to tell whomever I meet my name.” Keen had satisfied.

“Hey, wait a second I know you. Yeah, you’re on that computer game, Commander Keen. You got that series, episodes one through six. Yea, my son is playing you all the time.” Gorge remembered.

“So you know? That’s a long story but here is the gist of it. ID had found out about my life and, well, I signed a paper saying that they could put me in a game. It wasn ’t until the fourth episode that I had the hang of cliff hanging, no pun intended. There still missing the other three because, well, that’s what you’re here for. You see I haven’t saved the universe yet and I need your help.” Keen explained.

“So, if I’m helping you,” a silent pause, “I hope I don’t have to use a pogo-stick and Neural Stunner.”

“No, that is what I use. Jim and Tim will show you your supplies.”

“You know, I should tell my son to stop playing all those games. I’m starting to dream that they’re coming to life.” Jim and Tim took Gorge to the supply room down a long hall that was extremely dark, probably so you can’t see what is on the walls.

“Don’t touch the walls.” Rang Tim’s voice, filling the air. As they neared two feet away to a door in front of them a red, long flat lazar beam shot out of an object, which was to dark to see. Then Tim, or was it Jim walked in front of it; then the red beam disappeared, he must have put his face over the beam. The figure moved revealing the light again. Then the other did the same. When the other moved out of the way he uncovered, not a line of red light, but a white light, in the mold of a hand. The first man put his hand on it hiding the light. The hand was removed from the shape. Then the second figure also placed his hand on the mold. The man started to move his hand away but the door in which the light was coming from was moving with it.

Behind this door was an extension of the hallway, yet the hall was lit more too. The three of them walked down the hall; as they did so, the room slowly got brighter which ended up making it so their eyes did not hurt from being in a dark hall. By the time they reached the next door, which was quicker to get opened, the hall was extremely bright. This was a good thing because the next room was a very white room.

As they entered the room Gorge could see, in the middle of the room, a big tube with something inside it, but what?

They neared the calendar, Gorge noticed it looked like a UFO the thing is it had to have been identified, but what was it identified as, Gorge did not know. The IFO was black in the front. Near the bottom, had two hooks and on either side it had a gun. The place where the driver would sit was surrounded by a clear bubble.

“This will be your vehicle. When in battle you will be under orders to be in it at all times. These two hooks here will be your hands. They are easy to use, and this way, just in case you need them, they will be there. Now the two guns here will not fire simultaneously but rather in rapid succession. Do you have any questions at this point?” Jim informed.

“Yea, could you please tell me why I am having this interesting dream about a game not made yet? And just out of curiosity what do you call this thing?” Gorge could not help but ask.

“One, this is not a dream despite what you think,” Jim said angrily, “Two, it’s a Hover Craft.”

“Well what a hard name to come up with,” Gorge said with a smirk.

“I will inform you that we do more then what you have been allowed to see here before you.”

“Ok, just tell me what it is that I need to do so I can get out of this absurd dream.”

Jim scowled and continued, “The first thing you need to know is, you will have to be ready by tomorrow because Keen will be at your house early. Then follow Keen to the Bean- With-Bacon and get moving. We will be watching the flight, but by the time you reach the planet’s atmosphere, all contact will be lost. Your destination is zarakeet which is Mortimer’s hideout (named after his parakeet which died); we have reason to believe that is what began his plans to destroy the universe. You will need to find him, destroy his base and stun him. Then bring Mortimer back here and we will take care of what needs to be done.”

“So, if this is ‘REAL’, and I’m not saying it is, then what would happen if Keen shoots me?”

“I’m glad you asked because this will allow us to show off our smarts. Wait, did I say that out loud?”


Jim looked at him with an ‘oops’ kind of look and proceeded, “You see the Hover Craft and Keen’s clothes have been made to resist the stun, but it can’t stop it because the stun is so intensive; this makes it so that it stuns you only a few seconds. Now come, you need to go to bed.”

“But, it’s only four O’clock.”

“You have a big day tomorrow. And stop acting like a child.”

Tim pulled out a sleeper ray and shot Gorge. They asked the Star Trek crew to beam Gorge back home.


“Dad, dad, get up you’re going to miss work!” said a familiar voice in Gorge’s head.

“All right, I’m up, I’m up,” Gorge explained pushing his son off him. “Sheesh, I had the weirdest dream. I thought I had skipped work and there where people . . . Jon, get daddy a glass of water.”

Jon got his dad a glass of water and handed it to his dad saying, “Dad, I don’t think that was a dream. You were gone yesterday and you missed work.”

“What?!” Gorge was extremely surprised by this news.

Chapter 2 And that would finnish what I got.